There's a recurring theme in my life, of serving others and ignoring my own needs. Notice, I said needs - not wants. I ignore those too, but today, I'm dealing with needs.
I need mental space. Every day, or I start daydreaming of running away and changing my name.
I need physical space. It's weird - I love to give cuddles, but on my own terms. Especially at the end of the day - I struggle to not shriek "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" at the unfortunate soul who approaches me to climb aboard.
I need mindful, intentional eating habits and food choices. I let the noise, clutter, and chaos overwhelm me until I just start eating whatever I find, whenever I find it. This is not exceptionally helpful.
I need exercise. The benefits of regular activity are well-documented. Personally, I know how much better I feel when I have this as part of my daily routine; I am a better person for it.
I need "quiet" time, spent in conversation with my Creator. Preferably at the start of each day, but even when it's an ongoing discussion throughout the day, I notice a difference.
Why do I push these needs aside continually? I can't be the only person to do that, can I?
It starts the night before, when my children are finally in bed and asleep. I need to get everything ready for the next morning, and get to bed by 9pm - but I have a husband who is a bit of a night owl, and I feel I should spend time with him, so I go to bed at 10-ish. He doesn't ask me to, it's a choice I make. The late bedtime, combined with often broken sleep means that getting up at 5am is a big ask. Then I have lost almost my only chance for exercise, mental/physical space, and I am feeling "behind" for the rest of the day. Which leads to erratic food choices, and high levels of stress. Everything becomes a huge deal, and I find it impossible to get back "on track", or prioritise anything.
The other day I declared to my husband that next year was going to be different. I would focus more on my needs. His response made me think. He said "Why wait? Shouldn't you do that now?"
Probably, but how? How do I say "no" to other things, in order to say "yes" to my own needs? For that matter, what things will I choose to say "no" to? How do I decide?
Just some thoughts from a brain in serious overload. :)